The Importance of Mistakes
Failure can tell you a lot about a person, it can also tell you a lot about yourself. We’re often told that closed doors and missed opportunities are a critical part of any success story. That we learn more from the losses we incur, than the wins we would celebrate. And while there’s an immense amount of truth to that, there is much more to the conversation.
Why Mistakes Matter
I’ve failed many times before and have made my fair share of mistakes both personally and professionally (and continue to make them!). From failing my first ever exam in university (Economics!) to failing my G2 driver’s test (twice!), and the CHRP exam (twice!), to many, many more. When going through failure and making mistakes, I can share with you that the language I used to use with myself was definitely not as supportive as what I would say to others when they experienced something similar. Naturally, I began questioning myself as well as my skills and capabilities. When I think about this now, I realize that I did not know how to make mistakes and learn from them. I saw success as a linear track, and believed that if I worked hard 'enough', if I was smart 'enough', or if I was good 'enough,' I could keep disappointing missteps at bay. At the time, I didn't realize that the path to success is a terrain paved with failures and setbacks – I couldn't have one without the other. It was never about being 'enough.'
We are more likely to make mistakes when we push ourselves out of our comfort zones and aspire to something more than what we know. That’s why our relationship with making mistakes is so important; it has a direct impact on our willingness to expand our horizons and seek more than what’s familiar to us. When we allow ourselves to learn from our mistakes, we approach situations with a growth mindset rather than a fixed one. So how do we fix our responses to making mistakes?
It starts with understanding and questioning our inner dialogue. The next time things don’t go according to plan, sit with your inner critic and start realistically challenging the negative communication you use with yourself. Become the critic of your inner critic. Let's explore this.
Your Inner Critic
Self-talk is how we make emotions real. It sets the tone for how we act, react, and interact. When we make a mistake, the internal dialogue that consumes us tells the story of what we believe about ourselves, our abilities, and what we think we can achieve. Further to that, we talk to ourselves at a rate equivalent to speaking 4,000 words per minute (Korba, 1990). We apparently have a lot to say to ourselves. We can fail your way to success, but to do that, taking the time to understand limiting beliefs and the language we use with ourselves is critical.
Name It
Don’t sugar coat it. Call it what it is and there’s power in saying things out loud. It allows us to address things head-on and understand the disconnect between our subconscious and rational minds. What emotion comes up for you when you stumble on your journey? Are you afraid? Do you feel like you have to be perfect? Only once we call it out can we start confronting the limiting beliefs we have. What will happen if you fail? Play out the scenario. I often do this with my five-year-old son and we play out the scenario and different possible end results. Often, we can diffuse paralyzing emotions by showing ourselves that what we are afraid of isn’t actually grounded in our present experience.
Normalize Making Mistakes
We romanticize accomplishment and reaching our goals, but sometimes we forget the reality of that landscape. Making mistakes isn’t a possibility; it's an inevitable reality of doing things you’ve never done before. The issue is we tend to view failure as being negative and we equate it with negative emotions and subsequently engage in negative self-talk. I never did end up getting my CHRP designation, but I think I did just fine without it. I’ve learned that multiple choice and I don’t get along, and that’s OK (just don't use me as your lifeline when playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire). More importantly, what I’ve learned is how to speak to myself when things don’t go the way I thought they would. Interestingly, this is also what helps with resilience. It’s what you say after that matters the most.
When we normalize making mistakes as a critical part of our journey, we'll begin to shift our perspective and change our relationship with the inevitable obstacles. This is why mistakes are such a powerful learning tool. It creates the opportunity for us to understand and unpack our own behaviours and internalized beliefs systems. It shows us the limitations we place on ourselves and our learning.
Our flaws, shortcomings and oversights are all a part of the experience, and we have a compelling ability to learn and expand our perspectives. But to surrender to this, we must first learn how to make mistakes, or rather, how to honour them.